Step 1: Love them where they're at!
Romans 5:8 says this to us; "But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us".
While we were STILL SINNERS, God demonstrated His love. He did not wait for us to change, or clean up our act. He loved us where we were. Jesus, even while on the cross, looked past our current state, and saw us through His Fathers eyes. He loved us as sinners, because He saw us as redeemed.
Where would we all be if Jesus didn't love you and I right where and as we were? What if He didn't endure His cross for the glory set before Him? Have we forgotten what He forgave us for? Have we forgotten who we were before we found the Cross?
The Bible tells us , in Luke 12:48, to whom much is given, much is required.
Simply put, you and I have been forgiven much. You and I have had an abundance of grace an forgiveness, lavishly bestowed upon us, yet while being so undeserving. How then, can we be so withholding of what was given to us so freely?
Just as Jesus loved us, we are to love others. But, we cannot do it in our humanness. We cannot love with a God love when we still have a heart in need of healing. A heart in need of His love and grace to flow through us.
Pray this prayer with me.
Dear Father, I ask that you search my heart today. That you show me where I need to forgive and where I need to allow You to heal my heart and make it whole. Father, help me to look past the failures and disappointments, help me to look past and forgive the sin and love the sinner as You loved me. Help me to see them how You see them. Love them through me, Jesus, and cause me to lean into You for all I need while you complete the GOOD WORK You started. Where I fall short, perfect Your strength in those areas. I thank You, Father, that just as you change me and grow me from glory to glory, step by step, that You will grace me with all I need to be that grace to (insert their name). You never fail. You never lie. You are the Great I AM in every situation and it is in that truth, I find my hope and my peace.
In Jesus Name, I ask and it is done.
Amen
#pointstoponder
Step 2: Remember Grace
As we all know, being in relationships with others is not easy. The fact is, human nature is not automatically prone to unconditional love, let alone forgiveness and selflessness. e get hurt and become easily offended and our first response, more often than not, is that of anger, bitterness and even retaliation in one form or another. Sadly, it is a growing problem in our marriages as well.
We go into our marriages with high hopes and expectations. We "say yes to the dress", but we neglect saying yes to the Biblical way we are to love each other as husband and wives. We have a Cinderella, "Happily Ever After" picture in our mind and when the reality of the every day begins to set in, our human nature begins to take over. This is why the divorce rate within the Church, is not too far off, if not equal to that on the world . Let's now add to it the un-equally yoked component and what are we to do?
Before I go any further, I want to begin by saying, the emotions, tears and fears are all valid when dealing with issues of the heart and marriage. Noone here down plays or over spiritualizes the very REAL day to day struggles. It is very easy for some, who have not experienced this journey, to give advice or encouragement when it hasn't hit the 4 walls of their home, or the 4 chambers of their heart But, I can tell you, it has hit both of mine, so I write to you from a place of "I get it" and I am daily leaning in on God's grace to do the very things I am writing to you.
So, are you read to take these steps with me?
Step 2: Remember Grace
To whom much has been given, much more is required. Luke 12:36
It is very easy for us, after walking this christian walk for awhile, to forget where we came from and what God saved us from. It is easy to forget the amount of grace that has been given to us, daily, by God and by others. We can be very quick to point out others shortcomings and failures and shake our heads when they miss the mark, all the while forgetting how often we have done the same and yet, God STILL showed us grace and picked us up and set us back on solid ground in addition to giving is the strength to "go and sin no more".
I believe, a big part of this comes from a misunderstanding of what grace is and what it is not. So, let me put this as simple as I can.
What grace is NOT
A get out of jail free card
a license to live as you please and believing that His grace will cover your sinful choices.
"Grace covers our sinful nature not our sinful behavior"
What grace IS
God's supernatural HELP to live out the Christian walk with His strength, joy and peace.
It is God's knowing that we have a sinful nature and at times, we will miss the mark and fail, but He will cover those shortcomings as He knows we are working out our salvation daily, as we grow from glory to glory.
When we fully understand what grace is and what it is not, we are better equipped to share in giving that grace to others as God empowers us to do so. God will give us the grace we need to extend grace to others.
Does it mean we live blindly and allow wrong behavior.? NO
Does it mean that we make excuses for others? NO
What grace empowers us to do is lovingly correct and journey with those in our lives. To love the sinner, not the sin. To forgive and see our husbands, children and loved ones through His eyes and to do like Jesus did on the cross when He said "Father forgive them for they know not what they do".
About 7 years ago I walked through the doors of the church I attend and serve in now. I walked in those doors with a spirit of entitlement, pride and the "been there done that" posture. I, of course, was unaware of these things because truly, my heart was to serve the Lord and others, but I had alot of unhealthy heart issues that would soon surface and bring about what me and my Pastor call my "funkytown years". We laugh about it now, but it was not at all fun or pretty during the process. It was her immeasurable love and grace towards me. Her unwavering KNOWING of the good in me and the call on my life that kept her loving me despite the dark days that we journeyed together. She showed me GRACE. She lived and breathed it's definition into my heart and because of the grace I was shown, I was able to see it, pray it through and allow God to heal it; the hurt in my heart that caused me to act out in ways I truly did not want to nor did I understand. There were times where I had to be corrected and put into check for sure, but it was always covered in grace and truth. Never condemnation,
As we journey through the steps of loving people where they are, remember it is GRACE than enables us to do so. It is God's grace that He loves us where we are, each and every day.
"If not for the grace of God, there go I"
If not for God's grace, none of us would be able to stand. FREELY you have received His grace, freely give it.
#pointstoponder
“Grace covers our sinful nature, not our willing and continual sinful behavior.”
Step 3: Check in with your heart
It is so important to be heart healthy. Not only physically, but emotionally and spiritually as well. The bible has so much to say about our heart and the role it plays in our lives. The Word of God instructs us as well in saying "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Proverbs 4:23. ABOVE EVERYTHING, guard your heart. I think that pretty much sums it up. Just like our physical heart pumps life giving blood and oxygen, so it is that our spiritual heart does the same. If it is not working properly, than what needs to flow in and out of us will not be able to. Instead, we get clogged up, we slow down, and if not taken care of, it can stop all together leading to spiritual death.
I wish I could say that I read this verse and heeded its wise instruction from the get-to. I, like many, learned most of my lessons the hard way, with many tears and sleepless nights. So, the question is, why are we so care-free with our hearts? Why are we so quick to throw it at anything and anyone with reckless abandon?
I do not know your story, but I can certainly share with you a portion of mine. Truth be told, I never knew my heart had any real value to anyone, let alone God. "Yes, Jesus loves me" was the extent of my outward understanding, let alone my inner knowing. Family circumstances had left me confused, broken and without any sense of true stability. I had leaned, through experience, to always expect something to go wrong, someone I loved to leave and for prayers to go unanswered. What was my heart to do? I desired to feel something other than what I had been feeling, so I, like many others, chased after the quick fix, the knock off of the real thing, if you will. This took an already fragile heart and left it with barely enough strength to function, let alone thrive. I was certainly flowing with issues, but none of them were full of life.
It was only when I began to learn that I was not only valuable to God, but that He called me His beloved, that my heart began to heal. Little by little. When I finally handed over this beaten, bruised and toxic heart over to Him, He began to show me all that I had been trying to hide from Him, myself and others. This heart that longed to be loved and beat with vitality and purpose, was full of anger, bitterness, jealousy, insecurity among other things. I had ignored it for so long, that my heart and become hardened and had learned to function at less than full capacity. I needed a whole heart in order to live, but I only had 1/4 of it functioning, so needless to say I was constantly tired emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually. I was not flowing.
Had I checked in with my heart years ago, had I not ignored the warning signs and had I looked at my heart through the lens of His Word, I would have been spared years of living less than half alive. I could have been thriving, instead of striving.
We cannot love others until we have first brought our hearts before God and asked Him to reveal it and lead us into healing. Checking in with our hearts, even if multiple times a day is a vital part of healing and staying healthy. It is a process and we have to do the work alongside the Holy Spirit, but I promise you it is so worth the temporary pain of peeling the layers when you start to live with a healthy heart.
Unchecked heart hurt shows itself in ugly ways. So, surround yourself with people who can CHECK YOU and ride those crazy emotional waves with you and in grace.
Tamara Rae
#pointstoponder